Boot camp

16 August 2016

Are you Penniless in Panama? Destitute in Dubai? Sick of Spain? Down on your luck in Dublin? We offer residential Build Your Self-esteem and Our Barn workshops to suit even the most desperate circumstances.

Workshops can be tailored to suit your skills and interests, as long as they coincide seamlessly with our needs. For example, should we need a fence to be stained, you could spend all day in the hot sun, with only a Huckleberry Finn hat for protection against style, applying a first coat of incredibly messy, sticky, difficult-to-clean-off-your skin stain ('chêne ancien' colour for certain ruination of your last remaining decent clothes), only to begin again the next day on the second coat.

Still smiling - the tedium yet to set in

Humming wee songs

Très elegante, n'est pas?

You might be lucky enough to score a trip into town. If so, don't expect to spend time sightseeing in one of the many pretty villages you pass through on the way to the largest hardware store anyone could ever need. Content yourself with browsing the aisles of Leroy Merlin or Brico Dept or Mr. Bricolage - a photographic memory may come in handy if you become lost in the maze of tools, thereby prolonging the visit unnecessarily - and there's always a cosy Free WiFi corner with vending machines that refuse (in French) to give up your chosen item. Don't say you haven't had the full French cultural experience, when it's been laid at your feet.

Midday bustle in Vignols - you'll only be getting out of the car for long enough to take a quick snap

Culture stop in Orgues-Sur-Vézère - so you don't have to

Accommodation is simple and comfortable, especially if you are nimble and sure-footed: there's a ladder to negotiate when you head for bed in the renovated goat/chicken shack. There is power, a window and a door. We think that pretty much covers your every need. Oh, the bathroom? Inside the barn itself. I mean, what else did you expect? Chickens don't do en-suite. There's also the tent (under the walnut tree) which has LED lighting and you do eventually become accustomed to lying diagonally across the slope :)

Food is plentiful and nutritious, if a little heavy on the cheese, bread, saucisson and tomatoes and a little light on roasted vegetable stacks drizzled with balsamic glaze or smashed avocado on sourdough with crumbled feta. Stay in Sydney if that's your poison. There's generally a cold beer to be had at the end of every day, a very welcome reward after a long day's hard graft in the heat. But only one, mind. We're not catering to alcoholics here.

After-dinner entertainment is cosmic, haha. This is big-sky country, the stars are very clear, and we have a nifty app. that allows you to see the constellations overhead, as well as those lurking beneath the underfloor heating. Which is not yet working, but that's another story.

The occasional picnic is not unheard of. Usually when the rest of France has shut for a holiday and/or there are no hardware shops open. The picnic site may be either a) at the top of a hill overlooking the French countryside, villages and chateaux; Limousin cattle dots with horns way below or b) a shady riverside spot, where an 16th Century bridge spans a chilly but inviting river. Inviting a paddle, that is, not full immersion, silly.

Picnic option a)

Picnic option b)

Music is not optional. It's a steady stream backdrop to every day. Your turn to choose comes round regularly, so choose wisely, or you will be subject to the musical taste of your hosts and the best and worst offerings of the 80s, 90s and beyond. You have been warned. There are even some 'What was the name of that album/artist/song' evenings, when Google is not allowed to come to the rescue and everyone simply tries to remember (it's a retro thing that you may not understand if you are under 30).



Conversations range from the banal to the heavy, via interesting and fun. We laugh a lot. Unsolicited advice is free. Prejudice and bias may even be in evidence on occasion. Hey, we're human.

If you are fortunate enough to be here for your birthday, you may be lucky enough to receive a tarte au framboise to remind you of the dismal state of baking back home.

Nothing like cake for birthday breakfast, served on a map to imply impending adventure and excitement

But once the unseemly snacking is over, it's back to work again, building and painting a shed, or digging holes and planting shrubs in 35-degree heat.

I'm sure they don't expect you to build and paint the thing simultaneously 

These photos do not do justice to the three holes dug earlier...

...or the shrubs planted skilfully by the photographer 

So, Jobless in Seattle, Direction-free in Goa, Fresh out of ideas in General, consider a La Fromagerie workaway for your next adventure. We'd love to have you.